Birthday thoughts

Another year... Someone asked if I have gotten wiser. In some ways, yes, I believe I have.

This has been a year of amazing "life" and "God" experiences -- of realisations and revelations; of paradigm shifts; of leaps and bounds; of getting past setbacks; of forgiving the past; of having my eyes opened; of being rescued; of finding that His grace IS sufficient for me; of finding how remarkably merciful He is; of soul-healing; of regrets, but more importantly, of finding hope; of trusting and waiting; of finding forgiveness and reconciliation; of restoration; of maturing in the things of God; of letting go; of being 100% sure that God exists; of Him meeting me on my terms; of being changed just by that one glimpse of His Presence; of finding that He knows me inside out; of a new lease in life -- a new heavenly perspective; of being awed by God, time and time again; of knowing without a doubt that God loves me; of the excitement that comes from wanting and getting to know Him; of realising my desperate need for Him; of being assured that nothing can separate me from His love; of finding God in unexpected places; of finding indescribable joy in communing with Him; of getting my identity back; of fixing my eyes on Jesus; of finding Jesus as my Everlasting Foundation; of finally understanding what it means to be a Christian; of drawing closer to God, and having Him respond with wide open arms; of being humbled by His awesomeness; of realising it was Him working in and through me all along; of tears and pain, but also joy... overflowing joy; of finally being at peace with myself; of learning lessons in humility; of new things; of learning to fight for what's right; of what it truly means to love and be loved...

Living life with God at the helm is nothing short of exciting -- trust me, I've tasted it. It can be like a roller coaster ride or it can be just taking one step at a time through a wide open space of nothingness. It can be like groping in the dark or it can be struggling to find my way through narrow, dangerous passages. I've found that the only thing that matters is that He's there, every painful or joyous step of the way. I can't always feel or see Him, but that doesn't change the fact that He IS there.

7 Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
8 If I ascend into heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.
9 If I take the wings of the morning,
And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
10 Even there Your hand shall lead me,
And Your right hand shall hold me. (Psalm 139, NKJV)

Sometimes He holds my hand through it all. Sometimes I'm too exhausted to go on, and He carries me. And yet, other times, He lets me prod along, guiding me only with His voice, because that's the only way I'll ever learn to trust Him. And it's the only way I'll learn to move from childish reliance to mature trust.

I've only just begun this journey, but I look forward with eager, childlike anticipation towards living the rest of my life with and for Him. I know it will not be ordinary.

Merry Christmas, everyone, and I wish you all a truly blessed New Year.