Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Purging exercise

I haven't felt the urge or desire to blog in a long, long time -- when your full time job IS writing, it kinda loses its appeal as a hobby or a way to de-stress -- until I saw Forbidden Kingdom, that is. Really, that movie should have been "forbidden" to be released!

Ok, corny pun aside, FK was by far the worst movie I've seen this year so far. I usually read up on movies before I go, but I didn't this time, so I wasn't prepared for the crap that I was blasted with. I've always liked Jet Li (I harboured a school-girl crush on him once) and most of the movies that he's made. While I had my reservations about his co-star, Jackie Chan, I thought, what the heck, it shouldn't be that bad. So I happily whisked my housemate along to the cineplex near our condo, bought the requisite popcorn and soda, and waited in anticipation. It had been quite awhile since I've watched a true-blue, Chinese kungfu show.

But oh my god, the movie was a trainwreck from start to finish. Believe me when I say that it was absolutely torturous to sit through two solid hours of pure, unadulterated celluloid shit! There were just so many things that were wrong with it. I lost count on how many times I CRINGED during the show. The first major thing that was just not right was that it was decidedly NOT Chinese! So here you have men and women in period costumes and against the backdrop of olden-days China who spoke American English. It was painful, I tell you.

Then there are the weak characters, who couldn't haven been more cliched. You have Chan as the drunken kungfu master who is supposed to be comical but ends up as more pathetic than anything else; Li as the monk who spews "profound" (read: corny) wisdom every now and then; a random, Chinese-instrument-playing (don't know what it's called -- resembles a guitar) maiden who's on a mission to avenge her family and -- herewith lies the reason this monstrosity of a movie is in English -- a wannabe kungfu fighter American kid from Boston whom Chan and Li take under their wings to disciple (a la Karate Kid). Oh, I almost forgot, there's also the stereotypical evil heavenly lord/king/whatever.

So many aspects of this movie peeves me, and this post is all over the place and probably confusing to those who haven't seen the movie. So, be forewarned -- I'm just writing it as it comes.

Ok, first, Chan. What is with the awful cornroll wig that are only matched with his equally awful and unfunny insipid lines?! Seriously, CORNROLLS? In China? What were they thinking? And the girl with the Chinese instrument. Ok so I get why she was playing the damn thing at the start of the movie as she was using it as a guise. But to carry it on her back through treacherous desert and mountainous lands and then to play it demurely whenever there's a respite? What, pray tell, is the point in that (other than being immensely irritating)?

And Li's character, geez, we could have been spared the completely pointless and uninspiring fight scene with Chan if he had but opened his mouth and told Chan what he was looking for! (Which is the kid, by the way.) And speaking of the kid, I wanted to slap his whiney ass right out of the movie. So there's this scene where they cross the desert, and had to seek refuge in a cave as there was a sandstorm. He goes up to the monk and is yapping on about how they're never gonna make it, blah blah blah, only to find that they do cross it -- safely and without incident, I might add -- the very next day.

Oh and it was bad acting throughout. And the slo-mo scenes! Horrors of all horrors! Straight out from a B-grade porn movie! One particular scene sticks out in my memory like a sore thumb. Going back to the desert scene once again, at one point the American kid falls and rolls down this sandhill, and the beautiful Chinese girl bravely runs after him to rescue him. Just as her hand reaches down and pulls the kid up, the camera shot slows to a crawl, and we see her hair that was uptil this point pinned securely on top of her hair cascade down, framing her face and shoulders. And ah, the two share a truly magical moment. OH I wanted to throw up.

Why is it that the villian has dark green metallic EYE SHADOW on? Eye shadow, for crying out loud! Perhaps it was supposed to add to the effect of the vindictive tyrant but the result was more of a sorely ugly drag queen who can't apply makeup to save his life.

Oh and here's a classic one: So revengeful Chinese girl walks up to drag-queen villian and delivers this impassioned spiel on how he killed her family and how she's gonna kill him now (ooooo, subtle. NOT!) and then proceeds to throw this jade dart at him but of course fails, and she gets killed instead. (You stupid, stupid cow! You really put women to shame.) And who do you think takes up her vengeful cause instead? Why, the Anglo kid, of course! (Betcha didn't see that coming...) So he does his heroic deed, only to come back and have her die in his arms, while he tries to conjure up an once of emotion in that oh-so-poignant scene.

Painful... oh so painful to watch! I'm cured of any desire to watch kungfu movies for a long time to come.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

On this day, 25 years ago...

Yeap, that's right. I turn a quarter of a century year old today.

Bottoms up! Yeah.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Once again

I've let things slip. Instead of being alert and on guard, I've compromised, going back to the one thing that You've set me free of.

Sigh, forgive me, Lord.

Cleanse me, restore me, and lead me back to the Cross. Remind me once again of the need to live a life that glorifies You. Rescue me and set me back on Your paths of righteousness again. Renew a right spirit within me, Lord. May the meditations of my heart be acceptable to You.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

No where to run

Well, well. President Richard Roberts' day of reckoning is finally here.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007


I'm going on my first overseas media junket next week! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!! It's some sort of Chanel product launch... I don't have the details yet. Anyway, I will be off to ... (drum roll) ... Paris!
Nah, just kidding. It'll be in Singapore. :p

Friday, August 31, 2007

The next chapter

Two major changes come September:

Starting tomorrow, I'll be sharing a condo with two complete strangers.

Then, starting next Monday, I'll officially be a writer for the lifestyle section of TEM. Says a coworker, "You're part of the 'in-crowd' now. Don't forget us!" Hmmm.

How am I feeling right now? Incredibly excited, humbled and thankful... but also just a tad nervous.

Thursday, August 02, 2007


I feel the call of the open road...
Sigh, I miss roadtripping in the US.